Not since Nintendo’s 1983 hit Elevator Action have I seen so much exciting elevator action in a game. And bleeding ghosts.

You know you’ve found a great game when it triggers a migraine.

I’ve been trying to figure out why this game is called Hexcelle. My best guess so far is that it was created by Sir Hextor Cellesis and that he named the game after his only son, who is also named Hextor. This is all speculation of course.

Now now everybody – let’s not get bogged down in semantics. Oh wait, that’s exactly what we’re going to do.

What kinds of things would you put in a super briefcase do you think? Not just boring old papers. I imagine it would be filled with gold bullion, East German pickles, futuristic weapons, and one of those Swiss Army Knives that has like a HUNDRED things in it.

I don’t know what that giant pink thing with the boogers is, but I may have pooped it out yesterday morning. If it was me, I apologize.

The only thing worse than a bug is a giant bug, and the only thing worse than a giant bug is a giant bug that comes out of giant egg sack.

One day they won’t be called vending machines anymore. They will be called REPLICATORS, and cruiseships will be called starships and everyone will wear tights. Everyday will be a new and exciting adventure, except for days in the holodeck. Those will be kind of boring.

By just reading the title you might assume this game is about poops – but don’t worry, that would be gross. It’s actually about a water logged corpse.

I wonder what an actual ninja brawl would sound like. Probably like old ladies whispering.

And by “lawn” I mean the 3 foot radius around my computer. And by “get off” I mean just take a step back so you’re not in my personal space, but please stay and talk to me because I’m lonely. So very very lonely.

PPL DONT YOU JUS LV PIXELS SO MUCH DIZ MY FAV THINGS EVA!!!!

This message has been brought to you by the gems in my inbox.

Although I have lots of practice taking naked pictures of myself in the mirror, I was never smiling in any of them – until the phalloplasty, that is.

Sometimes when I play a game I can hear a song for it in my head right away. Like this one goes: cat, cat, cat – ticka-ticka – cat, cat cat (robotvoice)WAAAATERM-E-L-L-O-N *guitar solo*

What is your favorite part of point and click adventures?
a) Pointing
b) Clicking
c) Adventuring

Texting while driving? Can anyone actually do that? My hands are way too busy flipping people off and putting on eyeliner.

It actually takes very little to raise a dragon. Just leave it in a room with some canned ravioli, toilet paper, and a television. It will turn out fine – just like me. Now if you’ll excuse me, my Hannah Montana torrent is almost done and I need to get into my polar bear suit before I can watch.

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy fairybug runestone thing.

Do you want to know what else the rabbit wants? Your blood.

Boom goes the dynamite.