Games

I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed for 12 hours. When it was all over, I walked up. We didn’t find one of ‘em, not one stinkin’ penguin body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell? The whole hill… smelled like… victory.

Throughout college I actually used to make a drink called the Flaming Zombooka (inspired of course by the classic Flaming Sambuca). Only mine was made with photocopier fluid and hand sanitizer. It also wasn’t so much “lit on fire” as it was “warmed up in the microwave”. I think it also might have made me permanently cross-eyed.

At first this game made me happy because it reminded me of the real life Steampunk Insects. And then it made me sad, because I can’t afford them.

Ghost Guidance – side scrolling online game, or new romantic drama staring Patrick Swayze as a recently deceased highschool guidance counselor held back from the afterlife so he can help Demi Moore, a sullen goth-punk piano prodigy with father issues? YOU DECIDE.

Believe me, I am very enthusiastic about participating in Operation: Onslaught – it’s just that I am currently partaking in Operation: Sleeping Until Noon, after which I will be enrolling in Operation: Cold Pizza, followed by Operation: Toilet and finally Operation: Afternoon Siesta.

Just don’t forget your Flood Survival Tips.

Once more you are being asked to protect a bunch of jittery citrus fruits from the the horrors of acid rain. Is it an innocent online game, or more global warming scare tactics from a liberal government whose only agenda is to convert America into a communist state populated by godless hippies? YOU DECIDE.

Some games need to be posted based on their title alone, just as some videos need to be voted for based on their title alone.

Coincidentally, there was an evening back in my second year of college that I refer to as “Mushroom Madness 2″. It was a good time, but unfortunately ended in a sword fight with a (now deceased) ferret named Hugbert.

I wish I could tell you guys why it’s called Final Ninja, but I feel like I would have to play the entire game to answer that, and my schedule today is just packed with important webmastering and debating tasks.

If at any point you find yourself being sexually aroused by the female stickman in the red dress, I recommend the following: 1) Find the nearest window, 2) Make sure it is firmly closed, 3) Jump out, head first.

Video Games: they stimulate the mind and titillate the senses. Or do they titillate the mind and stimulate the senses? I can’t really tell.

Oh Bobulous, I was so much more excited when I thought you were called Boobulous.

Little known fact: my butler Jeeves has a twin brother, Jolls. Unlike his brother, Jolls chose a life of self-introspection. He lives in my basement, smokes a lot of weed, and may have eaten my cat.