There are two distinct things you hear while playing this game. The first is the oddly enjoyable soundtrack, and the second sound, which is sort of like a high pitched whine, is your eyes drying up into little white raisins because you haven’t blinked for the past 10 minutes.

Although this game is fantastically cool, I cannot help but think of how much cooler it would be if these talented game developers had made it about a pirate and not a ninja. Instead of lasers there would be cannonballs, and instead of all this silly jumping there would be swashbuckling. And there would also be ale, and a parrot, and eyepatches. I think I’ve made my point.

Although the medicinal effects of popping balloons have never been scientifically proven, the South African Supahfa-izzle tribe have been using the technique for over a century. Critically ill tribe members are give a large pin and placed in an enclosure filled with giant, colorful balloons. And although the patients still die, at least they die smelling of balloons.

I don’t want to start any nasty rumors or anything, but I heard from a friend of a friend that if you don’t finish all 18 of these squarilicious levels right now, your toes will grow webbing and your mother will stop loving you. It’s very sad but unfortunately very true. Rumor has it, that is…

Aggressive Alpine Skiing mixes guns, skiing, radical jumps and an original soundtrack reminiscent of bad European techno. Awesome!

Puzzle Quest is a simple RPG with a twist. The combat system is, well, a game of Bejeweled. Although that sounds pretty weird, the game is actually very addicting, and I’m not just saying that to make myself feel better for having played the demo for the past two hours. Download it and see for yourself.

This game is, as the French say, ‘wickedly awesome’. The performance can be pretty bad, so before starting I recommend you go into the game’s configuration menu and turn motion blur and FPS Stability to OFF. Then tape a LEAVE ME ALONE note to the back of your head because you’ve got places to be (your computer) and people to see (zombies).

This is what you get when you combine Pong, fluid dynamics and neon! Check out the video, and then download a free copy of the game.

The controls in this game make me want to pry out my teeth with a spoon, but once you get the hang of them the game is pretty cool. Especially the way the guys blow up and one of their body parts looks like a honey baked ham. A delicious honey baked ham. It’s really the only reason I play.

This is a very simple endurance game involving a bunch of balls. And now that we have that out of the way we can begin the mandatory ‘I love playing with balls’ comments in three, two, one… go!

If your nose and ears start bleeding while you’re playing this, don’t panic. It’s just your brain trying to kill itself. Silly brain.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the Zen-ness of this game as it is, but throw in some swimming zombies and strap an assault weapon to the dolphin’s head and I think we would have Game of the Year.

Welcome to the offices of Gung-Ho Ltd., a company where subordinate workers slave 14 hours a day to assemble plastic products with badly spelled labels. If this game hits a little too close to home, I apologize. If you’re still in school, well… welcome to your future!

Folks, it’s time to take your Xtreme sports pastime to the next level. Leave your parachute at home, but don’t forget a bag of Doritos and a six-pack of Monster Energy Drink. We’re going Cliff Diving. Xtreme Cliff Divingâ„¢.

We haven’t blown up anything in a while have we? And when was the last time we blew up stuff in a tank powered by Jesus? Not any time I can remember. And who’s in those enemy tanks? Who cares! Probably Marilyn Manson fans.

All you gotta do in this one is grow your tree branches through the pretty golden rings. If you don’t, your pet puppy dog will get eaten by a tree. No, no, just kidding. But if you don’t send this game to 5 of your friends within the next minute, your pet puppy dog will get eaten by a tree.

You fruitcakes asked for it, and now you’ve got it: Nanaca†Crash!!. So pause that episode of The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and put down your Jigglypuff doll. It’s time to save the world, crazy-ass Japanese style!

I hate to disappoint you guys, but today’s game has nothing to do with defecation or flatulation. But you know, that’s what imaginations are for, right? Like right now I’m imagining that I’m sitting in a beanbag chair with no pants on. And it’s totally awesome.

I was shocked to hear that some people were a little offended by yesterday’s donkey-dung kicking game. To those that were offended I humbly offer you my apologies, and also an alternate game for you to play that has nothing to do with pooping or farting. It is called ‘Fart Fart’ and it is about farting.

People, this is a donkey that kicks poo. Why are you even reading this? Get to it!