This is kind of like the anti-Guitar Hero. Lots of work involved, and even when you get it right it still sounds wrong. Good times my friends. Good times.

And I think it’s gonna be a long long time ’till touchdown brings me round again. To find I’m not the man they think I am at home, oh no no no…

Contrary to common thinking, tiny huggable-snuggable ninjas are actually far more dangerous than their average human-sized counterparts. You have been warned.

I implore you, EAT THE COOKIES FASTER.

Darkness has fallen upon the Kingdom of the Taint (a.k.a. Tainted Kingdom). Demonstrate your unconditional love for the holy land of the Taint and lead it’s great armies down the dark sweaty path to victory.

Put on your yalmulka, here comes Hanukkah. It’s so much fun-akkah to celebrate Hanukkah.

Some people need a trained eagle and a magic sword to bring justice to evil doers. Personally I think all you need is a coat rack and one of those oily one-legged city pigeons.

A team of skydiving crooks led by DEA-agent-turned-bad-guy Gary Busey specialize in landing on police roofs and breaking in so their evil computer hacker can steal undercover agents’ files and sell them to drug lords. Or wait… no, it’s just an adding game.

Can there be a better way to put an engineering education to use than to develop a game simulating the fluid dynamics of mucus? Well if there is, I don’t want to know about it.

Octagons, hexagons, pentagons, blah blah blah blah blah. I ask you, what good has geometry ever done anyone? Exactly. It is useless, and therefore must be destroyed.

If you still don’t know what you want to do with your life, perhaps this game will help you discover a budding interest hydroponics you never knew you had. Career-wise, I’m not sure what you can do with hydroponic skills, but I’m sure you’ll get high by. *cough*

There are two valuable lessons that can be learned from today’s game. First, by working together a team of people can achieve more than any single individual. And second, lesson one only holds true if there’s just one person in charge.

I remember when this game was called Moai. I also remember when I put on my pants this morning. Oh wait… no I don’t.

The day I see a cupcake lying on the ground and don’t immediately eat it is the same day I put on a Wonder Woman suit and ride around town on a flying pig. I’m sorry guys, but for this game you’re on your own.

The story is that people enjoy playing Guitar Hero because it makes them feel like they can actually play the guitar. So does that mean that people enjoy playing this game because it makes them feel like their parents actually love them enough to buy them Guitar Hero?

I don’t know what sort of shady stuff you guys have been clicking on over there, but these little guys are not very happy with you.

This one is just like Bejeweled - except instead of sparkling gems, you have smelly fish. Also, when you lose you suffocate and die on the bottom of the ocean. And although they don’t show it, I’m pretty sure those same smelly fish start eating your body (sort of like this). But otherwise it’s exactly like Bejeweled.

Not long ago, you had to Escape the Kitchen. Now that you are free, unfortunately you also have to escape the living room. Because, heaven forbid, you wouldn’t want to accidentally sit down on a comfy couch and watch some television.

Tired of balancing on chairs and twisting your neck to reach gold coins in those pesky hard to reach places? Let the Pojuko do the work for you! Never before has gold coin collecting been easier. Available now for only four easy payments of $129.99. Limited offer, act now while supplies last.

If you’re not sure you want to spend the time to learn how to play today’s game, it might encourage you to know that Warlords: Call to Arms is the sequel to the immensely popular Supermodels: Call to Swimsuits, and prequel to the highly anticipated Cheetos: Call to my Stomach.