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Without any false modesty, I’m going to admit I consider myself somewhat of an internet harmony keeper: with my awesomeness I balance out all the junk content out there, and like a godly figure/superhero I watch over all of you. I’m also very lonely and cry myself to sleep every night – UH OH I THINK THE PILLS ARE WEARING OFF
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There was this time I was in a movie rental place and picked up a video called “Sausage Factory”, because I’ve always had an interest in making my own delicious tubes of minced meat. I assumed the shirtless men on the cover were master Polish sausage makers, but once I slid the tape into my VHS machine I realized I was very wrong. Btw, washing your eyes with bleach does not erase memories.
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I have a lump of guilt burdening my stomach like a Big Texan Free 72oz. Steak. You see, I had a Tamagotchi once – I raised him from an egg, named him Boris and every night before I fell asleep I’d feed him and tell him all my secrets. Then a girl named Tiffany asked if she could borrow him and my hormones said “yes”. I’m so sorry Boris…
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I’m thinking of making a game called One Button Admin. On the first screen clicking the left mouse button would take my pants off, and on the next one it would put me in a hot tub full of Brazilian supermodels. The ultimate goal would be to become a pantsless god, irresistible to everyone of female gender. The game would basically be my autobiography.
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In the Year of Online Gaming, 2010, the game developers of this planet devised the ultimate plan. They would reshape the Future by changing the Past. The plan required something that felt no pity. No pain. No fear. Something unstoppable. They created ‘THE BIRDINATOR’.
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If a week ago someone told me I would be smashing cute little turtles with a giant sledge hammer, I would have clenched my fists in rage and shown them that (rejected) poster I made for PETA where I’m lying naked with a porcupine covering my funny parts (ouch). But that was a week ago.
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Admin: In this cute zombie game you have to..
Angry Husky: Wait – cute? Zombie? You know what’s cute? My poop in your new shoes. What, you don’t think that’s cute? Fine, I’ll make it a heart shaped poop. There.
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Yup, it’s another blue elephant game. Honestly I’m not sure what you’re supposed to do in this one. I’ve just been sitting in front of the computer randomly hitting the arrow keys, and that feels pretty gratifying. Though maybe that’s because I removed my pants? Yes, it’s definitely because I removed my pants.
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Once there was this kid who got into games on DYOG and couldn’t come to school.
But when he finally came back, his hair had turned from black into bright white.
He said that it was from when the games were just too intense.
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm, Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
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I thought this game was about chess. I brushed up on my Ruy Lopez and Réti openings, I made an eleven year old kid from Shenyang teach me Sicilian defense online, and I studied Byrne vs Fischer until my eyes were burning balls of pain begging for some Visine drops. Well tough noogies for me.
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This game brings back some good memories of my past life when I was a king of.. some country with a weird accent. Anyways, I told this impudent toad to build me a catapult and convinced some of my peasants that launching them in the air and turning themselves into a bloody mess was for the good of the country, while in reality it was simply for my morbid amusement. Good times, good times…
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And the moral of the story is… lies make baby Jesus cry.
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Hey Angry Husky, what do you think of this neat little zombie survival quiz, based on the book The Zombie Survival Guide, by Max Brooks?
ANGRY HUSKY: In situations like this I like to let my bum do the talking.
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Look, just because I own a villa in Aspen it doesn’t mean I know how to ski. I just got it so when I bring supermodels there they have a reason to wear those cute fuzzy boots.
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