If we’re going to have to endure any more physics puzzle games this year, they should at least involve some dead bodies.

There are certain things in this life that you can always count on. Everyday the sun will rise, and then later set. Your dog will always love you. And I, your loyal admin, will always seize any opportunity to link to THE MEDIEVAL RAMPAGE VIDEO.

If you think bringing a puppy or a baby to the park is a great way to meet ladies, let me tell you – nothing beats the chick magnetizing powers of a freshly bathed penguin. Except perhaps a Ferrari.

I’m assuming those annoying things with the horns eventually evolved into unicorns? Or maybe rhinos? Oh wait… no… OMG GROSS THOSE AREN’T HORNS

And so begins an epic battle for the #1 Google result for “The Tickler”. Who will win, the innocently named Flash game, or the not-so-innocently named latex contraceptive?

Oaky, yuo konw teh rlues! Cmomnets not in teh prepor froamt will be dleetd as if tehy neevr exsietd! It’s all prat of my tgouh lvoe porgarm.

I didn’t get the name at first, but that little fella does look an awful lot like something that came out of my bellybutton a couple weeks ago. It could also wall-climb, but the similarities ended there. It had no eyes, no little legs, and definitely no soul. Nothing with a soul could do what that thing did to my pet hamster Steven.

Soldier Boy off in this oh!
Watch me crank it, watch me roll
Watch me crank dat, Soldier Boy
Then Superman dat oh!

There better be a talking dog after level 12. And it better frickin’ love me even though it just met me.

I know you guys think I spend all my time oil wrestling supermodels and saving forest animals from the California wildfires, but honestly that’s only about 95% of my day. The other 5% I spend making terrific games like this one. It’s sort of a retro post-apocalyptic shooter with – UH OH GISELE HAS ME IN AN ARMBAR BRB

Twenty-five levels of electricimicating puzzles await you, and as an added bonus upon completion you will be rewarded with your wildest fantasy come true. Assuming of course that your wildest fantasy involves finishing an online puzzle game. Trust me – sometimes it’s good to set that bar low.

Protect the delicious mushrooms from the squeaky dog toys and the animatronic bears. Because if you don’t… there’s gonna… uh.. *crickets chirping*

I have always dreamed of a match three game that would let me do matches while the board is still rearranging. And now that such a game is finally here, it is every bit the orgy of color, particles, and extravagance that I imagined it would be.

aNY commNT leFT withoUT tHE proPR uSE OF MagnetiZR capitalizatiON wiLL BE promptLY deleTD. yOU haVE beEN warND!

(BonUS poinTS fOR leaviNG oUT soME E’s).

I like these games where you click on units at the bottom of the screen and then after a little countdown they just pop out of a magical metal birth canal. I wish I had one of those in my apartment, but instead of army units it would make Nutella sandwiches, puppies, and Swedish massage therapists.

Dear Notebook, today at school we learned how 2 make a lvl 10 lighting bolt spell. Boooooooooring. But Notebook, Stephen Watson actually came up and talked to me!!!!!!!! To me Notebook!! But then that stupid B-I-T-C-you-know-what Melony came up and started flirting with him right in front of me! I HATE HER SO MUCH NOTEBOOK!!!!!!

Whenever I find myself in a room with a dead hooker *cough* I mean girl, I follow these three simple steps my dad taught me: “Stop, Drop, and Roll”. That stands for: stop what you were doing, drop everything, and roll on outta there.

It’s like a tower defense game, but it’s not a tower defense game. But it’s tower defense. I can’t explain! It’s madness!

YESSSSSssssss…

My apartment. The final frontier. These are the voyages of my only partially clothed body. It’s continuing mission: to seek out tivo remote batteries and mold-free leftovers – to boldly waste life like no one has done before!