Do not be fooled loyal followers! I have learned that the delicious looking baked goods in this game are not in fact frosty cupcakes, but rather tasteless, crumbly muffins. The developer responsible for this is nothing but a vile temptress, and I will never forgive him for this cruel deception.

In 2008, the largest particle accelerator ever created, the LHC at CERN’s particle physics lab in Switzerland, was activated for the first time. Many scientists celebrated, and many particles accelerated.

You know it’s going to be an awesome week when you start it off by popping massive quantities of pills.

Ignite People on Fire is the eagerly anticipated sequel to last year’s hit game, Light People on Fire. This version features faster paced gameplay, better special effects, and chubbies. Burn fatty, burn.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the soothing stylings of Music Catch. Enjoy it for hours with a warm cup of herbal tea and feel all your tensions slowly melt awa.. OH GOD THE BABY HAS CRAWLED OFF THE BALCONY

So let’s look at what we have here… A big burly man. Tight pants. No shirt, leather vest. Handlebar mustache. Hangs out with a… bear. Look at that, I solved the mystery of Reemus without even pressing Play.

It’s tough for me to decide what I like better, Bejeweled clones, or Poppit clones. It’s kind of like trying to decide between death by fuzzy puppy kisses, or death by Brazilian supermodel kisses. It just depends on my mood.

This is an interesting little game, but you should turn off the sound before playing. There’s some sort of subliminal message in the music… at first I thought they were saying “killers”, but now I’m pretty sure it’s “crullers”. I don’t know about you, but pastries terrify me.

This one is just like that movie Drop Zone, except instead of Gary Busey the lead villain is a 15-foot tall electric fan.

Find all the differences in each scene or Bookend Kitty gets the taser. Bzzzzz Bzzzzz Bzzzzz. Look folks, I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them.

Remember, these are just stickmen. It’s not considered real violence if your victims are two-dimensional and faceless. And yes, that would also apply to Lindsay Lohan if you happen to run into her.

Although every fiber of my being rejects the concept of defending cabbage, those rabbits are freaky looking enough that I can still make this work. All thanks to my belief that anything ugly should be destroyed.

Tired of boring, predictable games? Has the same-old-same-old got you down? Well rejoice, for the next Dig Your Own Grave exclusive has arrived! I am so here for you fruitcakes. I am your pusher. I am your fat sweaty sugar daddy. I am the cushion for your pushin. I… might have crossed the line with that last one.

Think of yourself as a swarm of locusts - moving from planet to planet and consuming every natural resource it has. Resources like… uh.. lots of golden stars.

Live ordinance falling all around you. Fat guy in speedo behind you. Girls beach volleyball tournament ahead in the distance. Run, my friends. Run.

If there’s one thing that furries hate, it’s being locked up in Ixerron Keep. Why you ask? I’m not sure, maybe they don’t allow group hugs.

Some folks call it a sling jumper, I call it a kaiser jumper. Mmm… mmph.. reckon you make me some biscuits.. Mmmm… mmm.. mmph… I like them French fried potaters.

Bombs, skulls, explosions… throw in some hookers and it’s practically GTA 4.

This is kind of like the anti-Guitar Hero. Lots of work involved, and even when you get it right it still sounds wrong. Good times my friends. Good times.

And I think it’s gonna be a long long time ’till touchdown brings me round again. To find I’m not the man they think I am at home, oh no no no…