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Whenever I can’t sleep I have what my mom used to make for me when I was little: a nice cup of warm milk heated on the stove, with a shot of gin and two shots of anti-freeze.
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I’ve never been to Diamond Hollow, do they have an IHOP there?
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I must be a descendant of a Viking – nothing else explains the fact that I like to wear a tunic, binge drink, and shout out proverbs that somehow incorporate both praises of tasty horse meat and threats of throwing weaklings off a cliff.
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So what do you guys think K.O.L.M stands for? My best guess is “Knackwurst On Large Melons”, which is a metaphor for… grown up stuff.
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Okay, I admit: the choice of the last two games was inspired by a recent movie marathon that I named The Knight Night. I’m worried about what I’ll post after my 80s teen movie marathon planned for this week- keep your fingers crossed I’m able to find a Molly Ringwald dress up game or a Footloose themed zombie tower defense.
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Coincidentally (or not?), Grand Rapid’s famous male dancer Dirk Valentine was famous for a move known as “The Lance”. I would tell you what it involved, but as I already mentioned I don’t know anything about this stuff. You perverts.
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I know you guys were looking forward to the latest Hannah Montana Kissing Cousins game, but you’re going to have to settle for this new DYOG exclusive instead. If you want a mental picture of this beast, imagine Vector Runner mixed with Dolphin Olympics, but with more vectors and an extra serving of dolphin sexual assault.
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If you live anywhere near Grand Rapids MI, frequently visit local male “dancing” clubs, and think the name Dirk Valentine sounds oddly familiar, then you my friend must be some sort of low-life pervert. Because I know nothing about such things.
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This is exactly what my stomach looks like on an ultrasound after one of my Friday night gummy bear binges.
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A little warning for you travelers out there… during a recent visit to England I saw a flyer for discount scuba lessons and thought I would try it out. Now I’m not going to get into all the details of this scam, but for 20£ I spent an hour sitting in a kiddie pool with this guy. And if it needs to be said, no, I still do not know how to scuba dive.
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Not a lot of people know this, but when I was the VP of Operations at Vandelay Industries I saved the company from hiring a terrible latex salesmen. His name was George Costanza.
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Due to the lack of feedback on the games lately, I was considering trying something new to attract a more diverse audience. I have a whole folder filled with games like Hollywood Nails! and Miley Cyrus Dress Up! Any objections?
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I keep telling my friend Axel that metal is dead, but he continues to write songs about civil wars and precipitation in November.
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The only reverting I’ll be doing today is reverting my brain back into a state of deep REM sleep as soon as I finish typing this.
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