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Games

Mighty Knight
categories: Games

I recently saw a (very) late night infomercial for something called The Mighty Nightie. It was a one piece set of Egyptian cotton pajamas with an inner layer of Kevlar, a colostomy bag, built-in bum heating pad, and built-in black box and signal flares. You get one free in your welcome pack if you move to Detroit.

Super Mega Ultra Battle Robot 2
categories: Games

Nothing says “Happy Easter” quite like a super mega ultra battle robot.

Where Is My Beard?
categories: Games

Seriously, has anyone seen my beard? I have to find it urgently, without it I look like a high school senior afflicted by progeria.

Fishy Waters
categories: Games

Who would have thought that the water in the abandoned asbestos factory I squat in would taste a little fishy (though it’s not so much “fishy” as it is “cancery”). Sure, I may be growing what looks like an alligator tail out of my bellybutton, but it’s the only rent a Flash game site webmaster can afford these days.

Please Remain Calm
categories: Games

Yes, that’s right, please remain calm. It’s not like there’s a new world order on the way, courtesy of chemtrails geoengineering the atmosphere to transform us all into drones for the Freemasons.

Nunchuck Charlie: A Love Story
categories: Games

Speaking of tickle parties, I had this awesome one with a group of super hot girls I met downtown last month. They were so into it they organized something for me the next week called a ‘restraining order party’. It wasn’t as fun I have to tell you.

Escape From XP
categories: Games

If you’re still using Windows XP you’re hopefully aware that Microsoft officialy ended support for it 3 days ago. Your choice now is either to A) stay with XP and soon have more viruses than a Tijauana prostitute, or B) upgrade to Windows 8 and risk suicide from frustration and confusion.

Night Lights: After Dark
categories: Games

I’d like to be able to tell you of all the decadent wild things that happen in my quarters after dark, but it’s mostly about Kraft family sized Mac & Cheese dinners, watching The Breakfast Club, and arranging my collection of tear jars. You can’t have your late 80s tears right next to your early 2000s tears, that’s just preposterous!

Repeat
categories: Games

There are a few things I repeat on a daily basis: 1) brush my teeth, 2) change my underwear, 3) take a multivitamin, and 4) .

Forget to finish posts before publishing them.

Erline: The Magic Orbs
categories: Games

I bet with a name like Magic Orbs you figured I’d just write some crude comment about my testicles, didn’t you? Ha! Well… I guess you were spot on there. Good job.

How Dare You
categories: Games

How dare you expect a humorous post on Monday?

Super Marshmellow Kingdom
categories: Games

The last time I visited the Super Marshmellow Kingdom was shortly after this party where I was helping a guy lick strange stamps with happy faces on them. I wanted to ask him if he was sending a package overseas or something, but that was when the gold unicorn showed up and I decided to leave.

Cover Color Game
categories: Games

Games about color always bring out my racist side. What can I say, I just believe that apricot poodles are genetically superior to all the others. One day they will dominate the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show like they are destined to.

Epic Boss Fighter
categories: Games

Sure, when this guy fights his boss in an epic way everybody thinks it’s cool, but when I challenge my boss to an underwear only bare knuckle boxing match, I get kicked out by security and arrested for an involuntary psychiatric hold.