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Games

Kick The Critter
categories: Games

Last time I heard the phrase ‘kick the critter’ was when my dad was replying to my mom’s question relating to what should she do about my whining. Ah yes, sweet childhood memories.

Nautilus Escape
categories: Games

Guess what: another hump day has rolled in, and I’m starting to notice a serious deficit of humpable objects in my life. I think it’s time to finally cave in and order that pregnancy pillow.

Quebrix
categories: Games

The description for this game on one website stated it’s a ‘vacation for your brain’. Mind you, I don’t know what sort of vacation these people enjoy- but it’s probably one of those where you sleep in a tent under a constant attack of giant malaria infested mosquitoes, and your daily wake-up alarm is a macaque monkey copulating with your earlobe.

Cut!
categories: Games

That is exactly what the voices in my head are telling me to do. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

2048
categories: Games, HTML5

2048. That’s the number of times you’re gonna play this game and fail. Then you’ll beat it, and after a brief euphoria you’ll realize your life still sucks.

Spiral Drive
categories: Games

Speaking of spirals, in particular downward spirals… Comments anyone?

*crickets*

Purrmageddon
categories: Games

Cats controlling giant mecha warriors? ✔
Audio that will cause a minor to moderate brain damage? ✔
Happy hump day, peasants!

Tower of the Archmage
categories: Games

Coincidentally (or not), there is a tower in my pants that I sometimes refer to as the Archmage.

Renegades
categories: Games

Oh look it’s Monday. Time for me to sharpen my pencils, get some paper, and write a letter to my congressman. It’s about time he did something about the noisy kids next door that always wake me up early from my third afternoon nap.

Aggravated Asphalt
categories: Games, HTML5

I know every time I post an HTML5 game I bring up the fact that you can play it on the toilet, but seriously… if you’re not on the can when you click this link, just don’t even bother. And don’t even think of lying to me.

I WILL KNOW.

Glitch Lab
categories: Games

Sometimes I think I was created in a glitch lab. What else could explain my ability to sweat through two t-shirts and 20 strokes of antiperspirant in the middle of winter? As far as superpowers go, this one is pretty lame.

Parallel 2
categories: Games, HTML5

Playing this game made me feel almost as uncoordinated as that time a few months ago I decided to take a Zumba class in my gym. Well, at least the game didn’t include an instructor calling me a fat clumsy doofus.

Money Movers
categories: Games

I don’t know much about money movers, but I do know about money makers, of which I have two that I shake constantly. Yes, we’re talking about my arm flaps. My lovely bingo wings.

The Cave of Atman
categories: Games

Many times I have tried to lure young women of the female persuasion into the cave of Admin, but surprisingly they seem to be appalled by the idea. Is it because I make artisanal cheese in my 200sq ft studio? Or is it because the walls are covered in photographs of feet? I can’t seem to get a straight answer from them.