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Games

Greenie 2
categories: Games
Catastrophe Escape
categories: Games

If you want to talk about escaping catastrophe, let me tell you about a narrowly avoided shotgun wedding that almost took place between me and balloon filled with Vaseline. Actually, let me not tell you about that.

Goblin Treasure Hunt
categories: Games

Let me tell you what a goblin treasure hunt is: me scouring under my couch cushions a couple of days before my paycheck for some loose change and moldy Doritos. Also, I look like a goblin so it all works out.

Sword And Spoon
categories: Games

There is a lot going on in this one, much like my bowels. Seriously, what is wrong with me? It sounds like there’s a small beluga whale living in my torso.

Transmorpher 3
categories: Games

Morph yourself into various mutated beasts to try and make it to a swirling hole that sucks you away. Sounds like my morning poop?

Juxtapose
categories: Games

You know what would be a great juxtaposition to this post? Some comments! Ha! Get it?

Asgard Story
categories: Games

The weekend is here already, and I’ve reached the bottom of my Netflix queue. That gives me two options, a) take up a new hobby like baking gourmet desserts, or b) binge-watch the entire Friends series in reverse episode order. I’m not sure what that will accomplish but I’ll let you know on Monday.

Love Burger
categories: Games

If you’re ever thinking of taking your date to see a movie with the above title because you assume it’s a romantic comedy with Catherine Heigl and Ryan Reynolds- don’t. It’s a documentary about a middle-aged Japanese man and his intimate relationship with various fast food items.

Family Rush
categories: Games

My family is always in some sort of a rush. It’s usually getting ready for holidays, birthdays, or reunions- but once a year it’s the rush to relocate themselves in the middle of the night so I wouldn’t find them ever again. It’s like a game we play. The disappointment on their faces when I *do* find them is also a part of the game. Right?

Tap Heroes
categories: Games

Happy Saint Patricks Day you bagpipe blowin’ bastards! Throw another shrimp on the barbie, blast some U2, and drive your lorry down to the pram station or whatever you weirdos do to celebrate the birth of your green baby Jesus.

10 Second War
categories: Games

I wage a 10 second war with myself on almost a daily basis. That’s how long it takes me to surrender my diet to the emergency slice of red velvet cheesecake I keep in the fridge. Or some moldy banana bread dried between the wall and the stove.

Dream Car Racing Evo
categories: Games

It’s Friday, so another work week has gone by without me putting my pants on. Or underwear for that matter. You didn’t *really* need to know that, but it is what it is now.

Deeply Absurd Chain
categories: Games

You know what’s deeply absurd? That I can’t sell my kidney/liver lobe/eyeball on ebay. My body my choice, you prudes!

You Have 8 Bricks
categories: Games

That is literally all I have. Actually, make that 7 bricks- I used one yesterday to kill something that I’ll call a spider (so I can sleep at night), but in reality it was more like a cross between a bat and a deformed dolphin fetus.