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categories: Games

Incidentally, I saw the metal band Vilesteel in Tønsberg, Norway just a couple of months ago. I did so much headbanging that one of the discs slipped in my neck. Wait, headbanging is still cool-right? RIGHT?!?

categories: Games

So Schrödinger’s experiment is the one where he puts a cat in a tiny box with a vile of poison, lets her die, and then even though his basement smells like a turd covered in burnt hair he still proposes the idea the cat is both dead and alive?
Those Germans.

Spirits Of Elduurn
categories: Games

I’ll be honest with you: I have no idea what this game is about. I’ve been busy doing the paid drug trials- bad news is I can’t feel my left leg below the knee anymore, good news is I can now taste colors and smell pop music.

Building Rush
categories: Games

I’ll be honest with you kids: training to become a construction tycoon is just as redundant as training to become heart surgeon or computer programmer. When Xenu comes to reclaim our souls, you’ll wish you had just spent the time listening to Taylor Swift and playing video games.

Monsterland 4: One More Junior
categories: Games

One more junior? Curse my raw manliness and highly potent supersized genitals!

Elventales: The Arcanery
categories: Games

It’s Friday, fruitcakes! I don’t know how your weekend activity calendar looks like, but mine is packed. When you sleep 18 hours a day, there’s not a lot of time to catch up on MLP fan fiction.

Viking Valor
categories: Games

I recently discovered that my ancient ancestors were Vikings. I think that explains my luscious beard and love for coarse wool underwear. Nothing makes you feel more manly that an itchy, irritated genital region.

10 Gnomes in Venice
categories: Games

I went to Venice and saw some gnomes, but there were definitely more than 10 of them and they referred to themselves as “Italians”.

Jelly Dad Hero
categories: Games

Just for the record- this is not another Snail Bob game. I repeat: this is NOT another Snail Bob game. Seriously, it’s not another Snail Bob game.

categories: Games

Everybody’s doin’ a brand new dance now…
C’mon baby, do the locom..o..tion
I know you’ll get to like it if you give it a chance now…
C’mon baby, do the locom

Sweep Miner
categories: Games

This title reminds me of a game I was working on once called “Sweet Minor”. It took place in the late 1700′s, and was based on Mozart’s Requiem in D Minor. Why, what did you think it was going to be about?

Demons Down Under
categories: Games

I had demons down under before, but I exorcised them with about a gallon of shampoo. The trick is to yell “The power of Lindane compels you!” while washing yourself. Side effects involve a spinning head, green vomit, and your neighbors calling the police.

categories: Games

I was gonna write something about still not being able to stay inside the lines while playing with my Sesame Street coloring book, but instead I’m just gonna link to these awesome colorized historical photos.

Letter Monsters
categories: Games

Ah yes, the letter monsters. My parents told me about those when I was growing up. It was all part of their plan to make me deathly afraid of books. Because if you can’t read, you can’t write HELP ME on paper planes and throw them out the window.