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Games

Doodle God Blitz
categories: Games

Ah yes, this game is timed perfectly for me to play god all weekend. I mean, I usually play god all weekend- but this time it will be in a more discreet manner, and there will be no need for my neighbors to call the police because “there’s a naked bearded man on the roof screaming quotes from the book of revelation”.

Wonder Defender
categories: Games

I woke up thinking it was Friday, and when I realized it’s not I was so upset I falcon punched a baby and went back to bed. Btw, did anyone leave a baby in my bed?

Pajama Boy 3
categories: Games

I never wear pajamas. My sleepwear of choice is a sheer nightgown made from the wings of an endangered species of South American butterfly.

Ruthless Pandas
categories: Games

I don’t know about pandas, but I have had a few dangerous encounters with skunks in my time. Has anyone ever had a problems with zebras? Perhaps we can work on some sort of racial profiling for black and white animals.

Kill The Plumber
categories: Games

I never killed a plumber myself, but I’m pretty sure I seriously injured the one that came to unclog years worth of debris in my toilet plumbing system. I’m not positive what exactly went on in there, but he walked out pale with vapid eyes and a significant limp.

Glow Path
categories: Games

I watched a movie recently called “Blow Path”. It’s not what you think, you perverts. It’s a touching story about a mentally challenged boy and his talking leaf blower. I laughed, I cried, I soiled my undies.

Aldo and Gus: The Skeleton Key
categories: Games

As a child, the concept of a skeleton key was always fascinating to me – a key that could open any lock and carved out of human skeleton bones. Fascinating!

Shape Fold Animals
categories: Games

Sure, they can shape and fold animals all they want- but when I wanna fold my St. Bernard Dewey and FedEx him to Europe, I’m called a “monster” and “animal abuser”.

Golf Is Hard
categories: Games

Let me tell you what else is hard… Stupid cricket, that’s what.

Nekra Psaria 3
categories: Games

These games always remind me of my two favorite things, greek seafood and necrophilia.

Imperator- For Rome!
categories: Games

I’ve found that doing things “for Rome!” has greatly enriched my life with very little extra effort required on my part. For instance just this morning I drank a cup of coffee for Rome, pooped for Rome, and went back to bed for Rome. Don’t question my lifestyle, I did it for the good of the kingdom.

Brain Builder
categories: Games

It might be too late for me kids, but there’s still hope for you. Build your brain so you don’t end up a useless sac of carbon like myself.

Creepo’s Tales: Friday the 13th
categories: Games

Honestly, if I wanted to listen to some creepo’s tales I’d call my uncle Trevor.

Slim World
categories: Games

Slim world? What kind of a name for a game is that? I am SO triggered. Check your slim privilege!