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A Day At The Library
categories: Games

If I had spent a few more days at the library when I was a kid, I might have turned out to be a successful spaceship scientist, brain physician, or perhaps the mayor of a small village. Instead I talk to people on the internet and masturbate frequently. Let this be a lesson to you kids.

Tiny King
categories: Games

I can relate to this. You can steal my money, my anti-depressants, my collection of matryoshka dolls- but don’t touch my cake. I will literally end you.

categories: Games, HTML5

This game has really got me… hooked. GET IT? It’s a pun. Hooked, because I love hookers.

Sky Quest
categories: Games

Sky Quest: online Flash game or the search for a vacant airplane lavatory after the in-flight meal – you decide.

The Rogue Puzzle Game
categories: Games

This game has gone more rogue than Sarah Palin during the 2008 elections.

categories: Games

Well this is annoying, looks like I’m going to have to talk to a lawyer. I patented this idea back in 2003. Oh wait, nevermind. I thought that said AssBots.

Kingdom Of Liars: Stonepath
categories: Games

The Kingdom of Liars game was created as social commentary on the current political system in America. I know this because the developer and I are friends and he told me during a polo match in the Hamptons last week. We were celebrating my 23rd birthday. I also own a rocket ship and a full grown tiger named Atticus Roarski.

Gravitee Wars Online
categories: Games

It’s a multiplayer sequel to this awesome game. Yes, it requires a quick registration. Yes, it will take 40 seconds of your precious time, but let’s not pretend you have anything better do do with it. Your privates will still be there afterwards, and your mom still won’t be home. Because she’s with me.

King’s Rush
categories: Games

Speaking of King’s rush, I wonder if they had adrenaline sports in medieval times. Maybe something like catapult toss or stealing the bread without getting your hand cut off.

Undead Run
categories: Games

Angry Husky: Speaking of undead runs- I had one of those recently. I filled up 7 pairs of boots and even had some left for jacket pockets. That’s right, I’m branching out into all the clothing items now. Watch out.

Why Am I Dead: Rebirth
categories: Games

So basically in this game you’re Patrick Swayze in the movie Ghost, sans the erotic pottery scene. If you haven’t watched that movie I feel obliged to inform you that you, sir or madam, are an uncultured swine.

Black Bit Ninja 2
categories: Games

Black bit ninja you say? I think I have a new name for that hard-to-reach bellybutton debris.

Feed Me Moar 2
categories: Games

If anyone is paying attention to this stuff: sorry the game was late today. I wish I had a solid excuse for you, but I basically slept in and then arranged my dry booger collection by shade.

categories: Games

I stopped playing this game after the point when you walk up to your granny, and she asks you did you have a bad dream and gives you a pumpkin muffin. It’s a painful reminder that a) I don’t have a granny, and b) I’ve been eating ramen noodles with ketchup for the last 10 days and my poop looks like alien afterbirth.