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Games

Monster Destroy Things
categories: Games

Speaking of monsters that destroy things, I have a lifetime ban from every single museum in the whole world. Apparently the ban extends to my offspring and their offspring as well. The scary part is, I am secretly proud of this achievement.

Excavate!
categories: Games

If you’re in the mood to excavate, you could play this game… OR you could help me with this popcorn kernel I’ve had stuck behind my molar for a month. It’s starting to smell like there’s a dead cat back there.

Big Bad Ape
categories: Games

If you’ve ever dreamed of being a giant ape that smashes cars, eats humans, and can do strange humping motions by pressing the down arrow, then today one of your dreams has come true.

Keeper of the Grove 3
categories: Games

Coincidentally the beauty salon around the corner from me has a membership package they call “Keeper of the Grove”. The only description they provide is “brazillians bi-weekly”. I’m not sure what that means but it’s 50% off right now so I figure I’d be a fool not to sign up.

Specter Knight
categories: Games

Is it Friday already? Honestly I stopped keeping track on Tuesday. What’s the point in looking forward to the weekend when your back waxing appointment was cancelled with no option to rebook? No beach for me :(

Oni Yu Can Scare Them
categories: Games

Yu goni play dis gayme and yu goni luv it.

Through
categories: Games

If you’ve heard of the saying “the only way out is through”, you should know this actually does not apply in all situations. And in particular I’m referring to trying to get out of the gym by going through the women’s changing rooms. This is neither effective nor appropriate.

Hyper Tunnel
categories: Games

Admins Log, Stardate 20150825: Today’s game… Hyper Tunnel. Torn on joke theme… should I mention a hyper tunnel in my pants? Or will the intended sexual reference be misunderstood for a reference to explosive diarrhea? Ultimately the risk is too great… turning back…

Los Angeles Shark
categories: Games

I am extremely disappointed, mostly because I expected I’ll be devouring at least one Kardashian during the course of the game. Heck, I’d be happy with a Jenner. Or Kanye West.

Kill The Plumber 2
categories: Games

Well if a game title tells you to kill the plumber, you should probably kill the plumber. It’s the only logical thing to do.

Invasion
categories: Games

The only invasion I’ve witnessed recently is an invasion of privacy. And yes, I’m talking about the Ashley Madison hack. If we can’t feel safe on a for-profit social network catering to people seeking adulterous affairs, then where are we as a society really?

Avoid
categories: Games

I probably should have listened when the pharmacist said to avoid mixing my irritable bowel medication with alcohol. Washing my first dose down with a peach Buzzball resulted a large period of lost time except for a brief memory of kissing a guinea pig. And that’s super strange because I don’t own a guinea pig.

Jump Out! The Box
categories: Games

For those wondering, “jumping out the box” is the exact same thing as coming out of the closest, except it also involves confetti, fireworks, and a drag queen lip-syncing Cher’s “Believe”.

Tainted Olive: Chapter 2
categories: Games

Once I ran to you, now I’ll run from you. This tainted olive you’ve given, I give you all a boy could give you. Take my cheese platter and that’s not nearly all!