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Games

Retroacan
categories: Games

Apparently this game features strange creatures such as mutant giraffes. Seriously, how can you make a giraffe look more mutant than it already does- it’s basically a love child of a horse and hyena with a giant neck.

Last Town
categories: Games

Angry Husky: I have mixed feelings about the winter. On the one hand- I quite enjoy it because I’m a husky, but on the other hand- it’s really hard to effectively poop in a snowshoe.

Tangerine Tycoon
categories: Games

Seems like there’s a tycoon for everything these days. If I had know I could have gotten rich off of tangerines I would have paid more attention in my citrus farming class. Oh wait! There was no citrus farming class, I wasted all my tuition money on computer science.

Shifter
categories: Games

What kinda shifting are we talking about here? Shape shifting? Manual gear shifting? Because I’m pretty sure the first one is much easier to learn.

The Enchanted Cave 2
categories: Games

I remember when my parents told me about the “enchanted cave” where babies are made. It sounds like a delightful place, but my parents never told me where it was and I never found it myself. Maybe if you guys know you can send me a Google Maps link or something?

Noggins
categories: Games

Well I can’t provide any tips for this one as I’m not very well-endowed in the noggin-department. Luckily I’m very well-endowed in other departments *wink wink* so if anyone needs a gigolo for a birthday party or wedding reception, just PM me.

Break the Limits
categories: Games

What am I doing here… I ask myself that question a lot as well. The answer is usually “watching Netflix” or “masturbating”.

Shop Empire 3
categories: Games

Once I complete my collection of scabs that look like former US presidents I’ll be able to sell them on eBay and use it to fund my own shop empire. Don’t mock me, I already have a buyer. You’d be surprised what bored rich Persian kids are into these days.

The Sun For The Vampire 2
categories: Games

I have often been told that I have a pasty vampire complexion, so you can imagine I was overjoyed when the Twilight Saga went mainstream and vampires were all the rage. I was missing skin that glittered in sunlight, but that was easily fixed with some rubber cement and sparkle powder. Ladies, I am still waiting.

Awesome Ranger
categories: Games

If this game doesn’t involve Chuck Norris, I can’t really think of a good reason to play it. He’s the only awesome ranger I know.

Boomerang Chang
categories: Games

Boomerang Chang also happens to be the nickname of an Australian MMA fighter of Chinese descent. It originates from his signature move which is throwing a punch at his opponent and knocking himself out. It’s not the best fighting strategy, but you must respect the technical difficulty involved.

Road of Fury 2: Nuclear Blizzard
categories: Games

Coincidentally, there is also a nuclear blizzard in my heart. I finally made a move on that Starbucks barista I’ve had my eye on, but she totally brushed me off. My “move” consists of a 15 second wide-eyed stare of seduction followed by a low sexy moaning sound I’m really good at. Thinking next time I’ll do the moan louder.

Starry Knight
categories: Games

Get it? It’s a play on words- since the K is silent it sounds like night. An the main character in the game is a knight who collects stars! So funny! Or should I say punny? … … I think it’s time for my meds.

Easy Joe 3
categories: Games

How easy is Easy Joe, you ask? I would tell you, but then I would have to endure reading through dozens of uncomfortable emails involving phrases such as “inappropriate content”, “indecency lawsuit”, “eternal damnation in the lake of fire”, and “bring the milk on your way home, pervert”.