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Games

Glow Path
categories: Games

I watched a movie recently called “Blow Path”. It’s not what you think, you perverts. It’s a touching story about a mentally challenged boy and his talking leaf blower. I laughed, I cried, I soiled my undies.

Aldo and Gus: The Skeleton Key
categories: Games

As a child, the concept of a skeleton key was always fascinating to me – a key that could open any lock and carved out of human skeleton bones. Fascinating!

Shape Fold Animals
categories: Games

Sure, they can shape and fold animals all they want- but when I wanna fold my St. Bernard Dewey and FedEx him to Europe, I’m called a “monster” and “animal abuser”.

Golf Is Hard
categories: Games

Let me tell you what else is hard… Stupid cricket, that’s what.

Nekra Psaria 3
categories: Games

These games always remind me of my two favorite things, greek seafood and necrophilia.

Imperator- For Rome!
categories: Games

I’ve found that doing things “for Rome!” has greatly enriched my life with very little extra effort required on my part. For instance just this morning I drank a cup of coffee for Rome, pooped for Rome, and went back to bed for Rome. Don’t question my lifestyle, I did it for the good of the kingdom.

Brain Builder
categories: Games

It might be too late for me kids, but there’s still hope for you. Build your brain so you don’t end up a useless sac of carbon like myself.

Creepo’s Tales: Friday the 13th
categories: Games

Honestly, if I wanted to listen to some creepo’s tales I’d call my uncle Trevor.

Slim World
categories: Games

Slim world? What kind of a name for a game is that? I am SO triggered. Check your slim privilege!

Untangle 1.5
categories: Games

This reminds me a little of my annual toe hair grooming session. The soothing new age music makes it much less stressful though, maybe I’ll try that next time.

Monkey Go Happy Eggs
categories: Games

If there’s one thing that makes my eggs happy, it’s a broad shouldered man with a steady job and an undying love for puppies.

Juicy Bazooka
categories: Games

First there’s a main menu screen where some suspicious looking dude is polishing his juicy bazooka, which in the course of the game he uses to shoot a load at various people.
Mental note: don’t make games when you’re sexually frustrated.

Super Idle Imagination
categories: Games

Recently I went to get a latte at my local Starbucks where I met a beautiful girl who stole my heart. We’re getting married in June, and our cake is gonna be shaped like a giant paper coffee cup with both of our names spelled horribly wrong.
Ha! April Fools’! Like I would ever put my pants on and venture into the outside world. You silly geese.

Money Movers 2
categories: Games

That’s why I forgot to write the post yesterday- I was moving some serious money around. Yeah, let’s stick to that story. It’s not like I was in a detention center in Walmart for six hours because I tried to steal nail clippers and a gallon of hand moisturizer.