Ernest Hemingway’s last work of cinematic fiction centers upon an ageing consumer who struggles with a gigantic escalator in the Mall of America.

In the ageless battle between Cats and Dogs, the Cat Army has been dealt another serious blow by the awesome might of the Dog Empire. In this video, selfless Dog martyers have proven that even humiliated dogs in Halloween costumes are funnier than humiliated cats in Halloween costumes.

Halloween is a great time of year to scare the crap out of your friends… because you actually hate them and they’re not really your friends.

Rocky’s back, and no I’m not talking about the newest Rocky movie starring a 100 year old Sylvester Stallone. This Rocky fights for America’s heart by being a public nuisance.

If you hate telemarketers but don’t want to skip taking your antipsychotics in order to mess with them, you may prefer to trick them in to thinking they have wound up in the middle of a homicide investigation.

Breathing exercises are important for keeping your lungs in tip-top shape (not true), and this is the best breathing exercise I’ve ever seen. Nothing that makes a person look like this could be useless, right?

I’m seriously considering using this prank to scare and subsequently rob old people. I know it’s wrong, but I’m tired of sleeping in the bathroom at Denny’s.

With the way this guy behaves, is it any wonder that nobody likes him and his little hat?

This is currently my favorite video, because it asks the tough questions. Where is Danny going, why won’t he stop running, and how much does a skateboard to the nuts really hurt?

He ran, for the president of Iran
We ran to a tropical island

This Garfield-esque cat hates exercise about as much as I do. I keep at it however, to keep the ladies happy.

I’m not sure what this is from, but I assume it’s not from a real children’s television program, which is unfortunate because I believe children should be exposed to as much bloodshed as possible.

Those American Inventor judges passed up a great opportunity. This is about saving and changing lives… That aren’t even born yet. It’s all about the subliminal safety signal.

The 2008 Summer Olympics take place next year in Beijing China, and many are hoping that they don’t end up like the disastrous 1988 Tokyo Summer Games. In case you don’t remember, the Japanese take on the traditional events was rather… unorthodox.

She’s got a blanket, clothes, and four pacifiers!

David Letterman is the new celebrity justice sheriff. First he socks it to Bill O’Reilly, and now he’s taking on Paris Hilton. I wonder if she’ll ever go on his show again.

Hurray for the weekend! So what are you guys getting up to? I’ve decided I’m going to attach wheels to my couch and ride down a steep hill in it with my friends. I can’t imagine what could possibly go wrong.

Quackers the S*?#” Eating Duck has rocketed to stardom after appearing on Late Night with Conan O’Brien, and is starring in his own sitcom as well as an action movie. How about giving me a taste Quackers? Of the fame, not of the… you know.

Those Japanese bastards have done it again. Is nothing sacred to these animals?

Ah the age of the Silver Screen. When movies were worth the celluloid they were printed on. We didn’t ask for much back then. The occasional intertitle, and a vaguely sober pianist were all we needed. So with that in mind, I present to you Star Wars as it was meant to be seen.