I really need someone to explain to me what this is. I’ve had to watch it a few times now and I’m starting to feel light-headed from all the crazy. And I need someone who is not Japanese to explain it. Because someone from Japan is just going to say “Well, it’s a poodle-human giving an aerobics class to human-poodles, why do you ask, are you blind?”. And that’s really not going to help.

I can’t begin to tell you how much I hate pigeons. Actually, yes, yes I can. Around here most of them have these gimpy feet and they look like they just crawled out from under a (running) lawnmower and then showered in dirty oil. There’s a homeless guy here who pees and craps in his pants, eats food out of dumpsters, and smokes cigarettes off the street. I would lick his face before touching a pigeon.

“Hiya, Gary!” the parrot trilled flirtatiously whenever Chris Taylor’s girlfriend answered her cell phone. But Taylor, the owner of the parrot, did not know anyone named Gary…

Parrots. So much cooler than pigeons.

Even though everyone agreed TheMillionDollarHomepage was a brilliant idea that could only be done once, it hasn’t stopped hundreds of lame spinoffs from appearing anyway. But finally a worthy successor has appeared: TheMillionDollarBaby. Uh huh.

I guess it is no secret that David Letterman doesn’t think much of President Bush. And I guess it is no secret that my superhero secret identity is Jacob Jackson. Or wait, that was a secret. Damn, I need to get this Backspace key fixed.

Many High-Definition TV owners report that their pets are having trouble distinguishing the realistic picture from reality itself.

Introducing Letchey, the Downtown-Julie-Brown of garden gnomes. The best part of this video has got to be the soundtrack. If I listen to anymore of it I’m going to whip off my pants and start humping ceramics! Bom bom bom bom - bup bup bup bup bup bup bup bup - bom bom bom bom…

When I get my own place the guest bathroom toilet is going to look like this. And then I’ll put a sign in there saying “Missing: Pet Anaconda, last seen near guest bathroom. Loves water”. It is all part of my plan to create the most intimidating pooping experience ever.

Who will win this fantastical musical showdown? Trick question, everybody wins.

warning: audio is NSFW

This is all sorts of useful.

Here is a funny little Australian beer commercial. I love it because it features the combination of all my most favorite things in the world: a sexy brunette, a hot tub, and Steve Irwin. No! I mean beer. Yeah, beer beer beer. I gotta go.

#10: Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

I don’t understand Spanish so unfortunately I can’t tell you how these voodoo fishermen make the fish jump right into their boat. But an educated guess says it is either mental powers or the fact that they have the Top Gun anthem playing in the background.

A 14-year-old girl who received a new Apple iPod opened the sealed box and found raw mystery meat inside.

Queen Latifah’s Excedrin commercial from SNL. I can relate to it because I am also part of a racial minority. And that racial minority would be the race of sexy superhuman superheros.

Well it’s back to work week. If you’re anything like me (and unless you’re a well-endowed male supermodel with genius level IQ you’re nothing like me), then you feel pretty rotten about it. I found this video which demonstrates EXACTLY the way I dragged myself to work this morning. Except that I’m not a polar bear.

Hysterical. Viral. Dropping the Hamiltons at the movies. West Side.

Creationists are idiots, but they do have a theme park in the Florida Panhandle. For those unfamiliar with the geography, the FL panhandle is part of what’s known as “The Redneck Riviera”.

What will you find there? A couple of crappy rides, a “science center”, a gift shop and plenty of attitude. Actually, I imagine the gift shop alone is worth the visit. Where else will you find fossil evidence that man & dinosaur walked the planet together - like in The Flinstones.

Bored with buying Ferraris and Bay Area mansions, the employees of Google seem to be looking for more exciting ways of spending their obscene riches. This fellow bought 250 pounds of silly putty.

More Family Guy audio fun! Who’s a tumor?