As of this moment I am taking the liberty of putting out a national travel advisory warning for Salisbury, Maryland. You just don’t mess with a man who needs to take a dump. It’s so wrong. And so funny. But seriously don’t ever do it.

Speechless.

I had recently been contemplating taking a vacation to Iraq because it is so safe there. That is, until I saw these pictures of the sandstorm to end all sandstorms. The perfect sandstorm if you will. Pray for George Clooney.

While I don’t know too much about boxing, it turns out that Mike Tyson is quite the poet. Some of the quotations on this page are absolutely brilliant. Most notably one in which he was at a zoo with Robin Givens (his wife at the time) and offered a zookeeper $10,000 to get in a cage with a gorilla so he could “punch it in the snotbox”

“Devvo is Darren Devonshire, a chav from the Doncaster/Hull area. Devvo lets me follow him around and film his life in exchange for cigarettes, alcohol and small change.” In this episode, Devvo has a foolproof money making plan. Definitely NSFW (not safe for work)!

So how was your drive into work this morning? I’m going to guess that it was just about nothing like driving to work in India. This video is mesmerizing… Is it special effects? Telepathy? Why are they bothering to honk? Well whatever, excuse me while I bend down and kiss this sweet, sweet American soil.

All you need to know about The Church of Scientology, including fun facts such as this: Tom Cruise is an Operating Thetan, enlightened beings who are said to have total control over themselves and their environment. OTs can allegedly move inanimate objects with their minds, leave their bodies at will and telepathically communicate with, and control the behavior of, both animals and human beings.

“AT&T provided National Security Agency eavesdroppers with full access to its customers’ phone calls, and shunted its customers’ internet traffic to data-mining equipment installed in a secret room in its San Francisco switching center…” Be afraid.

I have but one message to The Terrorist of Sunset Circle, an obviously Al Qaeda trained feline. We will find you. We will smoke you out of your hole, we’ll get you running, and we’ll bring you to justice. Cat justice.

If you ride a bicycle then you need these cotton lycra bike shorts. With your legs looking this fantastic you’ll have so many girls crawling over you that they’ll be getting caught in your spokes! Trust me, I know.

Loose Change is an 80 minute documentary exploring some well known conspiracy theories regarding the events of September 11th 2001. At the very least it is quite well done and showcases the ability of the internet to serve as a free distribution mechanism.

This site shows a series of pictures of one woman taken over a period of 15 years. They are 12 mug shots, taken during a life of addiction on the street.

Don’t do drugs! Eat your greens!

If anyone is thinking of taking a little junket over to Japan anytime soon, here is a brief article on how to take a crap in their toilets. It is super-cool. Oh wait, I mean super-horrifying.

What do you get when you combine French people, bicycle messengers and an ice race track? Good times, that’s what!
(If you’re curious about just what the hell is going on in those pictures, check out the site.)

Now hold up a minute here… Am I the only person who watches Battlestar Galactica? Does anyone remember a little movie called ‘The Terminator’? Human robots = bad idea. Honestly I don’t know why we’re so worried about the terrorists. We need to invade Japan.

The latest weapon in ‘The War on Terror!’ seems to involve humiliating the terrorists by using them to sell Volkswagons. Call me a nutbag, but I don’t think we’re going to be seeing this commercial on ABC anytime soon.

When I heard the Iranians were renaming danish pastries “Roses of the Prophet Mohammed”, I thought it was pretty silly. But then I figured it’s probably a better way to express your anger than violent, deadly riots. And then I remembered the whole ‘freedom fries’ thing, so I guess pretty much all humans are idiots except me. And you guys. I love you guys.

It’s not like this doesn’t have an easy solution. Toilet cubes, people. Toilet cubes.

A couple of days ago we put up a link to The Faces of Meth to try and convince our loyal readers to give America’s new drug of choice a try. Most people said “Yeah, those face scabs are pretty sweet, but I need to know about what sort of side effects there are, and like, how much is it going to cost?”. Hopefully this article will answer any remaining questions you have.

The Partnership for a Drug-Free America has put together a disturbing little site featuring “before and after” shots of meth-heads. If you’ve ever wanted to try meth, you should probably have a look at this link. And if you’ve ever wanted your face to be covered in strange disgusting scabs, then you should probably try meth.