My top 3 reasons not to visit Iraq:

1. tons of stuff S-PLODE-ing.
2. camel spiders.
3. sandstorms.

I can’t say I know much about elephant seals, in fact I was unaware of their existence until viewing this very video, but I can say that they’re terribly loud and quite a bit like the sock puppet asteroid monster from The Empire Strikes Back.

Question 34: When your car is about to skid in to the rear end of another car at low speeds, it is best to jump out of your moving car like a moron. (True/False)

Ted Stevens is an 89 year old senator representing the state of Alaska, and is chairman of the United States Senate Committee on Commerce, Science and Transportation. Recently he spoke on the floor about why he voted against net neutrality, and demonstrated an astounding lack of understanding. Basically, your grandpa is helping to make important decisions about the Internet.

Amal has two RFID (Radio Frequency Identification) implants, one in each hand. His left hand contains a 3mm by 13mm EM4102 glass RFID tag. His right hand contains a 2mm by 12mm Philips HITAG 2048 S implant with crypto-security features and 255 bytes of read/write memory storage space. He can access his front door, car door, and log into his computer using his implants. He is also a crazy bastard.

What better way could we celebrate our country’s independence than by getting together with our friends and blowing up 16,000 firecrackers? I know, how about sitting in your underwear in front of the computer watching a video on the Internet of other people blowing up 16,000 firecrackers and also eating peanut butter right out of the jar. Sounds like the home of the brave to me. Yeeeee-haaaaaa!

From the Olympics of Ancient Greece, to the epic ladder races of today, humans have created some truly stupid sports. Seriously though, this is pretty impressive. When I get half way up a ladder, I freeze because I imagine myself falling to my death from the incredible six foot height.

This Maury Povich guest is really afriad of penises… I mean pickles.

I have no idea whether this is real, but I’m definitely not going to be playing online poker for money anytime soon. Do you play? Is it everything you dreamed it could be?

There’s a prominent practice whereby companies make the process of cancelling a service so egregiously difficult, some people will just give up and keep their subscription. That’s why companies hire retention agents. Listen in as Vincent Ferrari tries to cancel his AOL dial-up account. Any of you readers who use AOL have my sympathy, for yours is a fate worse than death.

Remember Kirk Cameron, that lovable ragamuffin from television’s Growing Pains? Well he’s back, in exceptionally religious form, and with the help of some Australian guy named Ray Comfort, he’s ready to tell you how a banana is irrefutable proof of the existence of God.

Probably definitely the creepiest commercial you will ever see. Unless you’re normally into hairy beard snakes?

Until 5 minutes ago I never knew what a supercell was. I still don’t really know what one is, but if I ever see one in real life I will empty my bowels so quickly I think it will make a mini-supercell in my pants.

I’m not sure whether it’s the degree to which they got lost, or their Columbus-like drive to find their hotel at all costs, which makes this story special.

Local news stations in America aren’t exactly known for professionalism, quality content, or even mastery of vocabulary, but WKYC-TV in Ohio clearly has the worst news program in America. Watch as Carl Monday investigates today’s hard-hitting issues! Watch as Carl Monday refers to masturbating as “having sex”! Stare in disbelief as he harasses uninvolved family members on their front lawn!

Van Halen’s Jump will never be a Moonlight Sonata, but it is a quintessential 80s song. The kind of song that reminds you of all those awesome Transformers toys you had, or of your collection of Popples. Remember Popples? But it’s all ruined, because now the song has a banjo.

I recommend reading the penguin one last. Most of the others are so bizarre and grossly disturbing that you’ll need the cute little penguin story to make you feel like living again. And remind me never to get reincarnated as an Anglerfish. Mercy me…

I used to think that LARPers (live action role players) were the biggest nerds on the planet, but after seeing this video I realize that at least one of them has a really awesome costume.

We have two options open to you:
1) Apply through official channels.
2) Have some guy hollow out a car dash board, stuff you in there, and attempt to drive you across one of our many border crossings.

Shockabsorber is a British sports bra, and the Bounce-ometer displays computer generated representations of its effectiveness, based on selected bra sizes and activity levels. It also displays the effectiveness of a regular bra, and no bra at all. Add that all up and you’ve got giant jiggling naked boobies! Don’t view this at work.