The internet is so boring these days. Here’s the deal, you guys wake me up when someone does this without being attached to the slingshot. I’m pretty sure that without the harness and with an additional 15° to her trajectory, she could have totally cleared that mountain. And that, my friends, would have been top quality Internets content. Not this “safety first” nonsense.

This is so much like that time on The Simpsons when Homer ricocheted off every car in an icy mountain parking lot, that it’s ridiculous. It’s possibly even more ridiculous than jumping out of a car that is sliding out of control.

Beloved hyperactive TV muppet, Elmo, lit himself on fire last night to protest the takeover of Sesame Street by what he called “bad men in suits”. He suffered severe burns to most of his body and was taken to be reupholstered.

I just pooped my pants.

You can learn a lot of useful things from looking at old advertisements. For instance, you shouldn’t pee through a fence in a yard full of geese, and you shouldn’t have sex with prostitutes. Also, it’s never too early for a baby to start shaving or smoking. And they’ll never have to worry about feeling over-smoked. That’s the Miracle of Marlboro!

Michael Richards, better known as Kramer from the television show Seinfeld, had a racist meltdown on stage at the Laugh Factory in West Hollywood on Friday. That’s why you don’t mess with Kramer. Because he’s like ice, buddy. When he doesn’t like you, you’ve got problems.

You have to admit that this suit is awesome, and that you want one even though it has a phallic crotch wheel. I think the thrill of bombing down a mountain road head first, probably outweighs the stares of disdain.

RuBot II, a robotic engineering marvel, can solve a Rubik’s Cube in less than 50 seconds. It can also haunt you in your worst nightmares, possibly transform into a gun, and perform lead roles in 70’s era episodes of Dr. Who.

Science teacher Gary Weddle says he won’t shave his beard until Osama Bin Laden is caught and brought to justice, Texas style! Is that so Mr. Weddle? Or should I say Mr. Bin Laden? That’s right, I’m on to you!

I’ve never been much into reading the Bible. When given a choice between a) Tivo and burning in the eternal lake of fire, or b) reading a really long book with lots of names, Tivo wins every time. But now thanks to The Brick Testament I can enjoy the most violent lessons of the Bible in easy to follow LEGO format. And as an added bonus I am no longer condemned to eternity in Hell! (right?)

We’re seeing Diddy like we’ve never seen him before. No wait, I’ve always seen him as an idiot.

Wenger, the company that makes the legendary Swiss Army Knives has introduced a 9-inch long, 2-pound “blade” which features every tool Swiss Army makes, 85 instruments in all.

419eaters.com is a site dedicated to the art of ’scambaiting’. Scambaiting involves turning the tables on Nigerian email scammers (a.k.a. 419 scammers) and getting them to do silly and humiliating things. The link will take you to the hilariously unbelievable story of John Boko and The Incredible Shrinking Artwork. A story of Internet Justice!

The Lefortovo tunnel in Moscow suffers from a very high number of traffic accidents which, luckily for our morbid selves, are captured on its surveillance cameras. Apparently some water from a river the tunnel passes under also leaks in to the tunnel, and when it gets extremely cold it can freeze on the roadway. That may explain some of these crashes.

Answer: a frozen icy tundra filled with voluptuous blonde vixens, and home to caterpillars that will encase you in webbing if you stand still for longer than one minute.

Question: What is Sweden?

I hate telemarketers, but not as much as this woman hates them. She also hates taking her medication.

It turns out that all that was missing to make rollerblading cool was crime and tubes!

Mike Cooper was recently sentenced for his library incident, and Carl Monday was there to get the scoop! And to get his ass kicked by Mike’s dad!

Remember those spinning things in the playgrounds of your youth? Those joyful times you spent spinning around as fast as your little legs could push you. Well, it turns out you shouldn’t spin them really really fast.

Normally I would never consider having bolts installed in my nose, or anywhere else on my body for that matter, but this made me consider it until I remembered just how lazy I am. Hooray status quo!