A recent Exxon Mobil promotion offers gift cards in exchange for donating blood. I wonder where they got the idea to give blood for oil… and I wonder why all those protestors are so against donating blood. Oh well.

The National Safety Council has put together a very useful document providing you with the odds that you will die from all manner of deadly incidents. For example, in your lifetime you have a one in 5,766 chance of dying from ’slipping, tripping, or stumbling’. Keep that in mind the next time you get up to go to the bathroom.

If you still need to buy christmas gifts, and Pee & Poo were sold out, then try these poo-pooping candy dispensers:

Press on Rudolph’s body and he poops out a delicious candy. This little Reindeer candy dispenser comes with little brown candies and is refillable.

For his daughter’s coming-of-age celebration last weekend, multimillionaire Long Island defense contractor David H. Brooks arranged command performances by everyone from 50 Cent to Tom Petty to Aerosmith. For his estimated $500,000, 50 Cent performed only four or five songs though he did manage to work in the lyric, “Go shorty, it’s your bat miztvah, we gonna party like it’s your bat mitzvah.”

Was anyone thinking of getting a laserdisc player for Christmas? If you go to amazon.com and do a search for ‘laserdisc’, the result is… not what you would expect.

I’ll have you know I was very hesitant to file this under ‘funny’, but I will admit it is a bit funny since it didn’t happen to me.

“…if school officials decide to use [the ice machine] again, it will be cleaned thoroughly.”

I don’t know what absolutely loving this short film says about a person, but I’m so handsome that I’m not going to worry about it.

If you’re like me and have trouble finding appropriate gifts for the holidays then I think your problems and my problems have just been solved forever. Forget spending your hard earned money on jewelry, electronics, and expensive toys. Nothing can say I love you more than Pee & Poo.

I know this video is from 2003, but let me remind you that the star of it, Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger, is the GOVENOR OF CALIFORNIA. So even if there is only one person who hasn’t seen it out of the million of you that have, it needs to be seen again.

This website goes into exquisite detail on how to make weapons out of everyday office supplies. For you my-time-is-money skip-to-the-last-page personality types, just have a look at the Super Maul and tell me you couldn’t kill a medium to large animal with it.

A dwarf inadvertently stumbles upon two night elves engaged in electronic coitus and decides to join in.

Several kids with steaks attached to their heads insert their heads into a “lizard arena” where a giant lizard is encouraged to “menace” them. The lizard is reluctant at first then goes berserk! Hilarity ensues.

A story about a restaurant that serves sushi off of a nude woman. I was going to make some racially insensitive comment about how crazy Japanese people are (c’mon, we’re talking about the inventors of the used panty vending machine), but it turns out this is a restaurant in Chicago. Yes, there is a picture in the article. No, you can’t see any naked boobies.

In case you thought the stories of snakes coming out of toilet bowls were urban legends, here is a nice little BBC story that will have you crouching when you poop for weeks to come.

“The creature has been spotted on several occasions and homeowners have put bricks on toilet seats in a bid to keep the beast from popping out of the pan.”

This site features a collection of absurd, but real, US patents. I think my favorite is The Toilet Snorkel. Hmmmm? Yes, The Toilet Snorkel.

Sugar Bush is the republican Forrest Gump of the rodent world- somehow finding herself involved in any patriotic situation of note. That squirrel gets around.

This is pretty nuts. I can’t stop watching it. It’s like something from a cartoon!

A collection of (usually) hilarious pictures someone named Jeremy Wilson likes for a variety of reasons. If you have some spare time you can also help me solve the mystery of why so many furries are commenting there.

I find this incredibly hypnotizing, and I think I went to highschool with this girl. Actually, I think everyone went to highschool with this girl. (Warning: Loud music out of nowhere!)

What could be cuter than twin teenage girls singing white nationalist songs? Badgers mutilating each other perhaps, but since I couldn’t find any video of that I present to you Prussian Blue- the neo nazi Olsen twins.

On their official site which I refuse to create an actual link to (prussianblue.net), you can see clips from their music videos in the store section. I recommend watching them because they sing as well as I do, which is to say badly and without enunciation.