RSS Icon

Achievements

Truck Loader

I have to say, if the guys who load UPS trucks do the same job with boxes marked “Handle with Care” as I did in this game, I’m not surprised that my cookie jar collection arrived almost completely shattered. What? Cookie jars are totally manly and DO NOT indicate mother issues.

Nuclearoids

Shortly after I broke my personal record for the longest time sitting on the couch without getting up (84 hours), I developed something my doctor referred to as “Nuclearoids”. Basically it’s a hemorrhoid that evolves to the point where it can reproduce asexually and forge medieval era weapons.

Blosics 2 Level Pack

There is only one reasonable explanation for the existence of the laws of physics, and that is that stacks of things are meant to be smashed to the ground in as violent a way as possible. This theory can also apply to sandcastles and Monopoly boards (but only when losing).

Air Transporter

Ever since watching Airwolf as a child, it has always been my dream to pilot an attack helicopter. That dream is second only to my dream of being a pot-bellied pig owned by George Clooney.

Hanger

For me ‘hanger’ is the combination of hunger and anger when you’ve been looking for a place to eat for over two hours, and your blood sugar is so low that babies in strollers start looking like delicious turbaconduckens. Unfortunately no one made a game about that, so you’ll have to be happy with a *literal* hanger. I took comfort in the fact that he’s losing his limbs and bleeding.

Moonster Safe

In my career as a safe-cracker I was often hired by families of deceased oil magnates to break into all the safes on premises and find their wills, bonds, and gimp suit photos. I have to admit I was never payed to unleash the monster – unless we’re speaking metaphorically of course, but that’s whole different story.

SugarRush

Due to the delicate age of some of the members here, I was going to post an educational PSA talking about how eating too much candy is bad for your teeth, yadda yadda yadda. But then I remembered that getting cavities eventually leads to feeling like you’re in a Jefferson Airplane song, so go right ahead, but don’t forget to share your post-dentist appointment videos.

Dummy Never Fails: Community

Once there was this kid who got into games on DYOG and couldn’t come to school.
But when he finally came back, his hair had turned from black into bright white.
He said that it was from when the games were just too intense.
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm, Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

Numz

If you’ve ever been told that your talent for sitting in front of the computer and stuffing your face with Goldfish Crackers would get you nowhere in life, today is your day to prove the world wrong. It’s your time to shine chubby!

Ricochet Kills 2

Gosh, I haven’t seen so many dead bodies since last week. Or last night if my dreams count. Do daydreams count? Then about 5 minutes ago.

Shaun’s Big Lunch

Shaun the Sheep is back, and he’s brought some naughty pigs for a picnic in the park. Throw in a bottle of Donum Pinot Noir and those piggies can eat slop off my bare belly for all I care. It’s wouldn’t be the first time.

Catnarok! Longcat Rampage!

What do you get when you combine the philosophical stylings of Loved, the strategic elements of Hex Empire, and the graphical shine of Little Wheel? You get… not this.

Destructo-Truck

Be sure and tell ’em Large Marge sent ya! Ah ha ha ha ha

Pixel Legions

Many times after a long day of nerding out on the computer I fall asleep with something that looks a lot like this game burnt into the back of my eyelids. When it’s still there in the morning, that’s my cue to take a vacation day.