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Achievements

Ononmin

Am I the only one who read the title of this game as om nomin? Because, oddly enough, I could om nom a whole plate of Taberinos as we speak.

Charlie Sheen – Winning

I am on a drug – it’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it once you will die, your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

Castle Clout 3: A New Age

But now I’m building…
Sandcastles in the sand (Sandcastles in the sand)
Thought I could fly when you held my hand (Thought I could fly)
Eternity turns to black and white
It was the greatest week and a half of my life

Ragdoll Laser Dodge 2

The last time I was surrounded by so many colored lasers I was dancing to C&C Music Factory at Club Roxxy in 1992. Coincidentally that was the same year I discovered the large lump on my left shoulder was actually the head of my parasitic twin Rupert.

The Moops – Combos of Joy
ClickPLAY 3

I love the music in this game. I’m going to find the mp3, put it on my iPod and listen to it while stalking Mila Kunis as she does the Downward Facing Dog pose in her yoga class.

Blast Off Bunnies

I have mixed feelings about the characters in this game. The last bunny I met in a leather mask did not respect my safeword, which is not something I forgive easily. Though perhaps CARROT wasn’t the best word to use…

Man In Gap

I used to have a coworker that was definitely a Man in Gap. I never saw him wear anything but Gap shirts, pants, jackets and accessories. And after my suggestion for No-Pants-Wednesdays was greeted with great enthusiasm, I unfortunately found out his classic briefs are also Gap.

Bloons 2 Christmas Pack

After I discovered this Christmas edition of Bloons 2, I admit I had one of my minor “episodes” and had to take a fistful of pills to settle down. But now that I’m all chillaxed I couldn’t care less if they make one for each of the 12 days of Christmas and OH GOD MY HANDS ARE HUGE

Love

I wanna know what love is
I want Scarlett Johansson to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know she can show me
Aaaah woah-oh-ooh

As I Lay Dying!

Ever since the talented Mr. Teale Fristoe released his first game Arachnophilia, there has been public outcry demanding another of his creations to worship. Gaming nerds have camped on his lawn like it’s Harry Potter release night, and tides of women have offered him their first born, almost enough to make my harem of supermodels seem insignificant (I said almost). Well my friends, today is the day.

Happy Thanksgiving Turkeys!

You’re a turkey and I’m in love with you
Gobble Gobble, that’s the thing that you do
You’re a turkey, you can’t even fly
You’re a turkey, why would you even try?

Bomboozle 2

I have been bamboozled many times in my day, and I’ve learned some lessons I’d like to share with you:
1) your financial adviser should never be someone called Martin McSleeze.
2) there is no such charity as “The Breast Implants for Self-Conscious Female Chimpanzees Foundation”

Bloons 2

Instead of spending a day on the yacht with my three Brazilian supermodels wives, I decided to stay in and make not only an achievement for this game but also ones for Truck Loader and Nuclearoids. Now you can stop raping my inbox with all those “you’re a lazy good-for-nothing bum” emails. No wait, those are all from my dad.