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Achievements

Hanger 2

I like my supermodel girlfriends like I like my coat hangers: so thin they buckle under a heavy sweater, and light enough that my Pygmy servant Mbuti can throw them out if they get too belligerent.

Space Is Key

I haven’t molested my spacebar this much since my nerds ‘r’ us awesome & popular club at University organized a Press The Spacebar competition. As the winner of the sliver medal I got a brand new 56k modem beer keg.

Vector Stunt

I know you guys were looking forward to the latest Hannah Montana Kissing Cousins game, but you’re going to have to settle for this new DYOG exclusive instead. If you want a mental picture of this beast, imagine Vector Runner mixed with Dolphin Olympics, but with more vectors and an extra serving of dolphin sexual assault.

Monkey Go Happy 4

OMGZ! 2 games in one day. This can only mean one of two things: a) it’s the end-of-the-summer-holidays long weekend, or b) it’s the end-of-the-world.

Neopods

It’s virtually impossible to think of something funny to say about a game called ‘Neopods’. It’s like trying to find something that rhymes with ‘orange’.

Wonderputt

Wonderputt reminds me of Wünderputz – something you can ask for in any respectable German “massage parlor”. Just don’t be surprised when a “masseuse” walks in holding a 3 foot homemade knackwurst sausage, accompanied by a baby cow in a gimp suit.

BioGems

I am the proud owner of two biogems that contain a precious biological material which will repopulate the Earth after some sort of disaster. I don’t know if it’s gonna be a nuke or power hungry apes – I just know my gems are all set and ready to go.

Hungry Sumo

The only thing that scares me more than a hungry sumo is a hooker with Tourette syndrome. Wait.. all the kids are off on summer holidays right? ‘Cause I have a little black book full of hooker references I’ve been dying to use.

Pogo Rampage

Last time I did something that could be described as a rampage I woke up on a cargo ship heading for Durban, South Africa with a unicorn tattoo on my inner thigh. Who knows what would happen if I had a pogo stick too.

Papa’s Taco Mia

yo quiero un burrito
este taco es muy bueno
dónde está mi quesadilla?
it’s the one semester of Spanish mexican food song.

Doodle God 2

Doodle God 2… so does this game pickup where the last one ended? Because in that one I had created a cyborg Olivia Munn with giant cyber-boobs, and I was hoping to upgrade her with a Ferrari torso but the game ended.

The Bugs Are Coming!

I don’t know about you, but I am completely prepared for the coming Bugocalypse. I have a custom made bee keeper suit, I’m learning Bzzznglish (the secret language of the insect world) and as a welcome gift I haven’t washed my dishes in 2 months.

Bloons 2 Spring Fling

Everyone’s favorite monkey is back! And no, it’s not the one at the zoo that keeps throwing his feces at kids and touching his swimsuit area.

Flood Runner 3: Armageddon

This game actually contains three things on my bucket list: surfing, surviving Armageddon, and punching a giant squid in the face.