And for the third time
the blue elephant
unlocks the doors of destiny
and greets the winter of his existence

Ma, fetch me my saddle and chaps. I’ve got a dog to tame.

I’m not sure what this one is about. I don’t know much about yoga and I have no idea what a chakra is, but as I general rule I don’t allow anything that requires charging to go near my genital regions.

More suspense than a two hour movie about ghosts.

Can’t write much today folks, my pet ocelot Sir Lancelot chased another hooker up into the attic.

And now for something completely homoerotic.

If robot moms are anything like human moms, this little guy must be hearing a lot of stuff like ‘You’ll shoot your eye out’, ‘You’d forget your head if it wasn’t attached to your body’, and the most important one: ‘Wear your good underwear in case you get in an accident’.

In the future all three of these things are going to be shooting people with their laser cannons.

My grandfather always told me that the secret to happy life is just to let your soul glow, just let it shine through.

I really, really hope he was trying to be creepy. Can you beat the 42 second challenge?

Speaking of awesome, do you know what isn’t awesome? My missing velcro jeggings. Seriously guys, these retired housewives get cranky if I don’t perform my patented Dance of Seduction, and how can I be seductive without my jeggings??

Before they become rampaging death machines and Spider-Man villians, rhinoceroses are the cutest things ever.

Speaking of hidden objects, has anybody seen a pair of mens velcro jeggings? I have to be on stage by 8pm.

You’re probably tired of SOPA stuff by now, but I’m also probably not going to get another excuse to post this.